Today. Wow. What a day. I've cried so much my teeth hurt. To lose a friend at our age- so quickly, so unexpectedly. Yet, through this terrible day, I've begun to realize things- and that is a good thing. Liz would like that- she was a thinker, a philosophy major in college, and one of the world's greatest moms. Her family was everything to her- and "family" was a broad term for her. Liz was a people person- and one of the ways she reached out to people and to her own soul was through blogging. And now- now her children and her husband have a wonderful record of her memories and thoughts from the last several years.
As for me, I'm a ridiculously busy person- who has felt the weight and burden of all I do to the extent that there is little joy in any of it. And when I get stressed, the last thing in the world I feel like doing is reaching out to people. I withdraw instead. I surf the internet instead of creating on the internet. I waste time instead of using it wisely.
Saturday morning I had a melt down about this very thing- and was ranting to Jim that I know I can't continue to do everything I'm doing without seriously and adversely affecting the relationships I have with those most dear to me, but I don't know how to get out of the whirlwind I'm in. Then, Saturday late afternoon I learned about Liz's unexpected passing. It's amazing how life can throw you a slap in the face- and have that slap actually help you figure out how to solve things. As my life with Liz has swirled around in my head almost non-stop these past 24 hours, I've learned a few things. Thank you, Liz, for teaching me.
I've learned that people were very important to Liz- and that one must put effort into things which are important to keep them that way. It's our relationships that we take with us when we leave this life- along with the sum total of our decisions. Nothing more. If we want those memories and relationships to be rich and full and vibrant, then we must work to make them so while we're here. I could kick myself for all of the days that I didn't read and comment on Liz's blog. She is the only person to have ever commented on this one- and I highly doubt that I responded back. What a fool I've been. To have lost the opportunity to continue to know my best childhood friend as intimately as we did when we were children is a great loss indeed. I was always going to get to it when I had the time. What a mistake- for now I am stuck in time and she is released from it's restrictions. When will I ever learn?
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